Solving the Premature Ejaculation Puzzle: Causes, Effects, and Remedies

One of the most common sexual dilemmas of modern man is premature ejaculation (PE). It’s estimated that between 20-30 percent of the male population suffers from being too “quick on the draw.”

But PE is not that easy to define. The final climactic thrust that delivers the seed of life and the physiological magic that sets off a woman’s orgasm are not always going to happen at exactly the same time. So how then, does one put his finger on the PE problem?

According Marilyn K. Volker, Ed.D. (1998), premature ejaculation becomes a disorder when “either party is not satisfied with the way the man ejaculates.” Dr. Steven Lamm, Clinical Assistant Professor of Medicine at New York University and author of The Hardness Factor, claims that a PE sufferer is someone who “ninety percent of the time, ejaculates prematurely, relative to his needs and his partners needs.”

In a world steeped in old-fashioned chivalry and macho culture, it’s common for men to want to sexually satisfy their significant others. The degree to which a man gratifies his partner is the yardstick of his masculinity.

Most any sexually experienced woman knows how serious her man is about pleasing her. Unfortunately, when her beau pops the cork too early, she may make the common mistake of trying to spare his feelings with false comforts. Rather than openly communicating her disappointment, she whispers a well-meaning “That’s Okay. Don’t worry about it.” at the end of the dissatisfying sexual encounter.

But deep down, regardless of false reassurances, most men know there’s something wrong. PE often has a debilitating impact on the male ego, too. It becomes a humiliating, emotional bruise that undermines self-confidence. In the end, an experience that has the potential for great pleasure and for creating deep emotional bonds turns into a pressurized chore that can cause resentment from both the man and his partner.

Getting to the Root of PE

There are a variety of causes for premature ejaculation, but the physical aspects of the syndrome are pretty simple. According to researchers, PE occurs when one becomes exceedingly aroused by hyperactivity and too much sensitivity to bodily vibration.

It is believed that PE is sometimes physiologically “learned” from hasty sexual encounters early in life. A large family plus one bathroom can be a disastrous equation for the sexually maturing guy. Seeking sanctuary in an attempt to masturbate, he’s often pressured by impatient family members who demand equal time. He then focuses on climaxing quickly, unaware that he could be setting himself up for PE later in life. As a result, these early, stressful trials of the past, program the present, unwanted response of coming too soon.

Ironically, the very intention of performing well in bed sometimes yeilds counter-productive results. “The guy’s are so anxious and afraid they’re going to lose their erection, that they actually ejaculate early,” Says Dr. Lamm.

There’s also the potential for a genetic component to PE, according to Dr. Lamm, “It’s very likely that if your father was a premature ejaculator, you may be one as well.” PE can also occur when having sex with someone new or someone you haven’t been with for a long time. The excitement level is often at an extreme peak for the sailor who’s been ocean-bound for several months or the guy who finally gets some private time with the first date he’s beeen dancing with all evening.

Prostatitis, or inflammation of the prostate can also cause PE. A simple urine sample test will determine if this is the cause of your PE predicament.

No More Early Withdrawals

Antidepressants have been used to treat PE and with a fairly high degree of success. Of course this option should be chosen only after a consultation with a physician.

Under the right circumstances a sex therapist can be a practical solution to PE. A therapist’s job is to guide couples through the details of the sex act, allowing them to discover a variety of methods and alternative positions that help prevent coming too early.

One therapeutic reeducation procedure called the “squeeze technique,” though lengthy, has been very successful and the payoff is worth it. This involves having the woman help the man become fully erect, after which she places her thumb under, and two fingers over, the area just below the glans and squeezes. This ejaculation-prevention method is repeated several times before allowing the man to come. The technique is practiced over a period of several weeks before the couple resumes intercourse.

Mind-over-matter in the form of “coitus reservatus,” in which the man avoids climax by thinking of other things can be another useful tool for battling PE.  However, some claim that bringing the added pressure of mind control to the bedroom only complicates things.

And anesthetic-laced condoms, which deaden the tip of the penis, have helped some men avoid PE, but you have to ask yourself if becoming a desensitized battering ram during sex is worth the effort.

A Final PE Perspective

The medical community may not have fully pinpointed a definition for early ejaculation, but most people don’t need a research pamphlet to realize they have a problem in the bedroom. If the man really is coming too fast and sexual gratification in the relationship has become one-sided, it’s time to do something.

But rather than being so hell-bent on mutual orgasm that emotional intimacy is sacrificed for staying power, couples need to act as a team, using patience, foreplay and alternatives methods to intercourse in order to reach sexual gratification.