Men's Health Article Featuring FastSize: "Average Joe"

Men's Health Magazine featured the FastSize Extender in their recent article concerning male enhancement tools and methods. After summarizing the common methods of enlargement (pills, tubes, pumps, etc.), FastSize was the only method of penis enhacement which received direct approval.

Average Joe
Investigating the spammer's big promises, we discovered something truly shocking: Some of this stuff actually works

Investigating spammers' big promises, we discovered something truly shocking: Some of this stuff actually works When most guys see throbbing-python-related spam, they reflexively hit "delete." We hit "forward" instead to Jon Pryor, M.D., chair of the department of urological surgery at the University of Minnesota medical school. He evaluated the would-be penile expanders so none of us will come up short - in wallet or briefs.

1. The contraption: FastSize Extender

Premise: To add length, you put your penis on the rack. A plastic ring sits at the base, a silicone holder grabs the penis head, and extender bars apply pressure. Use it 2 hours a day for 12 months and stretched cells will divide and multiply, increasing the tissue mass.

Cost: $300 Dr. Pryor's take: "it's like a tissue expander, which plastic surgeons use. I'll bet the penis does get longer."
2. The Cream: Mega M.E.

Premise: Serum restores penis plumpers. Rub on twice a day. Enhances virility, orgasms.

Cost: $30 for a 1-month supply. Dr. Pryor's take: "There is no mechanism that I can see that would affect testosterone levels."
3. The Pill: Vimax

Premise: Levitra without the vardenafil. The pill is said to touch off a flood tide in your penis during arousal, increasing erectile chamvber's size by up to 20 percent or 3 to 4 inches. (Do the math! Scary!)

Cost: $52 for a 3-month supply Dr. Pryor's take: "I love when they give 'doctor recommendations' but don't give their names."
4. The Gel: N-Large Growth Serum

Premise: Apply four squirts once a day. Cell volume zooms up 40 percent. Results in 30 days if you buy their herbal supplement, too.

Cost: $40 for a 1-month supply. Dr. Pryor's take: "I love the name. I doubt the product does much."
5. The Patch: Xcel Male Enlargement Patch

Premise: A testosterone patch without the testosterone. Stick it on your chest or butt and the snake charming agents target your groin, producing an extra 1 to 3 inches in length and up to an inch in girth.

Cost $70 for a 3-month supply. Dr. Pryor's take: "No way, I don't understand how something placed on the chest will break down cells selectively in the penis."
6. The Pump: The Trigger Vacuum

Premise: By forcing blood into your penis, the pump strengthens tissue, adding 1 to 3 inches if used three to five times a week for 40 minutes.

Cost: $100 Dr. Pryor's take: "It induces the cells to grow because it creates pressure on them. We have seen this in similar circumstances, like with penis implants. It can increase penis size if used a lot."

• Research by David Schipper and Matt Bean
Let's be honest: Many men have astoundingly small penises. When a man receives spam from a company offering to reduce his debts, improve his credit rating, or restore his hair, he is likely to perk up and listen. Why then do so many men take umbrage when a similarly helpful company offers to provide much-needed help in the groinal region?

By and large, the people who send the spam are rocksolid Americans trying to make this a better society by bringing much needed relief to the tens of millions of Americans who have tiny penises. How do I know this? Because in the time honored tradition of serious journalism, I did my homework. One day I received an e-mail from a company called New Health Discoveries, which offered a 5 day course n maximizing the effectiveness of your penis. I immediately signed up, not because I need help operating my penis, which has been running like a Swiss clock since puberty, but because a man can never have too much help in this area. I also expressed and interest in becoming an affiliate of the company, marketing phallus oriented products much the way women sell Tupperware.

I fired off an email to a man named Shawn Moore, which read, "My biggest question is technique. I want to sell these products to all the employees at my firm (about 350 men), but how do you bring up the subject of penises without embarrassing them?"

A little while later I received a very nice message from a man identified as "Ford." "It's a touchy subject. My best suggestion would be to somehow bring it up in a conversation. Possibly mention how they have worked for you. You probably have to know a person well enough to know if you can bring up the subject."

Meanwhile, Shawn, my original contact, sent me an email explaining how to go from being a "1-minute man" to "a master in the bedroom." This involved a series of easy to do exercises for the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle. Basically, I was instructed to tense it until my penis "jumped," and repeat 24 times daily. All without looking at photographs available elsewhere on the internet.

I appreciated the penis-coaching tips I received from Shawn, but must admit that they lacked the personal touch. Ford, by contrast, was right there in my corner. I barraged him with queries. In one, I noted that I was thinking of giving some of the companies products to customers as gifts "so they know what I think about the size of their penises." I also asked "If I give you the names of 25 people I know with tiny dicks, can I get a better price on my supply?"

While I waited for a response, other concerns reared their ugly heads. One of the things men fear most is that information about their penis size could fall into the wrong hands. Seeking solid advice on this matter, I emailed Shawn to say, "I hope my name will not appear on any list of Americans with small penises. Sure wouldn't want that to fall into the hands of John Ashcroft!"

Shawn and Ford obviously stay on top of their correspondence, because the very next day I received this message: "People like John Ashcroft and Dick Cheney probably would have a need for products like this. but then again, aren't they big enough dicks already?"

Not all of my interactions were as fruitful as this one. One company failed to respond when I asked, "Did one of my ex-girlfriends give you my name? someone named Annie? About 5'4". From northern California? That bitch!"

But other companies did spring into action. For example after reading that a product called Sativol contains enzymes from certain grasses, I phoned the distributor and explained that I was highly allergic to Serengeti dabbled sprocket grass. When I expressed my medical concerns, Mary, the customer-service rep, actually went and got a bottle and checked to see what enzyme it contained. You think you get that level of service from computer companies when your motherboard explodes?

And it wasn't just Mary. In my experience, I found many of the entrepreneurs and service people in the penis-expanding biz to be forthright and cooperative, and in most cases more than willing to accept input from the general public. For example, the promotion materials for Pro+ Pills report that male enlargement products contain "some of the same type of herbs found in Polynesia where the men of the Managaian tribe have sex on the average of three times a night, every night."

Immediately, I fired off and e-mail to the man who had supposedly developed the product: "If members of the Managain tribe have three orgasms a night, how many will they have it they take your pills? I have some Polynesian guys working on my property, and if I could get them tired out at night, they'd stop grabbing my wife's ass during the day."

I waited a reasonable time to see if the company would respond, then called the firm directly. In due course, I hooked up with a guy named Steve Heller and explained that his company might be lowballing the Mangaian trible with the three-orgasm figure. Steve said, "It would require some research to find where all that information is archived."

Still, it sounded like if I really pushed him, the data would be mind.

In the end my most heartening experience occurred when I spoke with "Jack", a sales representative from BigPenisForever.com. I'll be honest with you: Our concersation got off to a rocky start. He was mystified when I explained that I was rsearching penis-enhancement products for a major national magazine. At one point, when I asked him which profession had the smallest dicks, he shot back "Journalists."

"Not this one, pal," I responded trying to hold my temper in check. "I'm packing an armadillo in here. It's a mastodon, a juggernaught, a jackhammer."

Jack laighed and insisted that he was only joking, that this was the sort of thing guys said around the gym. This led to my next question: Did gym employees secretly walk through the showers, taking notes, and then feed penis-extension firms the names and addresses of men with small penises? Was there a registry of underendowed men? And if so, did BigPenisForever.com use such a list?

"No," he said. "We don't have to find men. They find us, just the way you did."

"Well let me ask you a question then: Do you use these products? Have you ever used them? Do they work for you?"

Jack did not hesitate to reply.

"I am one of the happiest customers of my product right now."

"So that means you needed to have your penis extended."

Jack hesitated. Then he spoke: "Yes."

That kind of settled the credibility issue for me. Jack went on record that he, like millions of other Americans, had come up a bit short in the shorts. So the next time you receive an unsolicited e-mail from a penis spammer and automatically delete it as unwanted slime, maybe you should have a prick of conscience.

These guys make money the hard way.